I HAVE A DICTIONARY
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The BreakThrough
June 19, 2006
5:26pm
When I look back over this time, I think about the goodness of what God has done for me. Now when you look at me you are looking at a miracle. When you hug me, you’re hugging a miracle. When I was ready to lose my mind and accept defeat, He said no. He promised me that when the enemy comes against me one way it is forced to flee from me seven ways. And for that, Lord I thank you. I remember sitting at church listening to a sermon by my pastor in which he said, “God is not going to let you die in the wilderness.” That one statement saved my life. It was just the rejuvenation that was needed to let me see where I needed to go. What the enemy meant for evil, God custom designed it for my good. I didn’t want to go, but I told Him I would listen and move. He was moving me out of my comfort zone. He moved me out from everything that was established and rooted. He moved me from what I thought was my identity of my own; where I thought I was finally an individual, back into the environment of shadows. This was an act of necessity. In my heart of hearts I believed that no matter what state I was to be in, I was to be content. In this, I know there will be joy and deliverance. In a matter of weeks, what took two years in Michigan to find suitable employment, I was faced with potentially two very different career paths in North Carolina. One, a firm and steady check week after week in advertising and the other, temporary (with a possibility of promotion) in higher education. This was a bittersweet conundrum that I was happy to finally face! Bittersweet because it wasn’t long ago where everything I touched failed miserably. This was a crossroad that I was facing that was going to affect the rest of my life. The choices that I make today will perhaps determine where I will be years from now. I had to play it safe; taking a career path with only possibilities was too much of a risk. Perhaps, if I believed in myself a little more maybe I would choose different. I had to pray to remove all doubt and disbelief; I will no longer walk in the spirit of fear. Any choice that I made there will be promotion ahead of me, I will have the favor of God and everyone will see His glory. Right now, I’m on autopilot; taking steps that are only ordered by God. In a matter of four short months I’m literally higher than I have ever been. Now I live in a condominium on the 12th floor of a luxury high-rise building. I have an increase of faith like never before. He blessed me so that I could draw nearer to Him, to know Him intimately. He told me that if His word abides within me, I could ask what I will in His name. I am finally depending on Him on choices that I am making. My life is not my own anymore, I know that its not going to be easy. After all, He is my Shepard and I shall not want. He promised that he would supply my every need, exceeding and abundantly and above all that I could ask or think. I see my deliverance and breakthrough, and for that, Lord I thank you!
The Praise!
Father, I come boldly before your throne of grace, thanking and praising you for Your blessings and prosperity upon my life, and upon the lives of my family. According to Your Word, You said that You desire above all things that I may prosper and be in health, even as my soul prospers; therefore, I know that it is Your will for me to prosper.
Father, I thank You first of all, that my soul prospers in You. I thank You that I prosper daily in the knowledge and understanding of Your Word, and that I become rooted, grounded, settled, and establish in Christ Jesus.
I thank You that according to Your Word, You have established us as kings and priest unto the Most High King, Jesus Christ. Father, You said in Your Word, “When a king shall decree a thing, it shall be established.” Therefore, I decree and declare according to Your Word, that I am blessed the city and blessed in the field; I am above only and not beneath; I am the head and not the tail; I am blessed coming in and blessed going out; I am the lender and not the borrower. I thank You that I am blessed upon my job, and blessed in my home. I confess also that my family is blessed, and my children are blessed and prosperous all the days of their lives.
I thank You Father that I am blessed in my mind with a sound mind, and with the peace of God that passes all understanding. I thank You for blessing me in my body with good health. I thank You for making me to lie down in green pastures, which are the abundance of Your blessings; and Your blessings are continually upon me and overtaking me in every area. I thank You that the windows of heaven are open for me, and You are constantly pouring me out the abundance of Your blessings up my life – spiritually, physically, and financially, whereby I do not have room enough to contain them.
I thank You Father that You have made known Your thoughts towards us – thought of good things and blessings for us and not of evil. You instructed us to say continually that You are magnified and You take pleasure in prospering us. So I confess according to Your Word, both now and continually that “YOU ARE MAGNIFIED O LORD AND YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN PROSPERING ME” in every area of my life.
I thank You for opening doors of prosperity and success for me that no man can shut, I thank You for also closing every door of failure and defeat in my life which no man can open. And I pray that You would anoint the works of my hands, whereby I may prosper in everything I do.
Father, I pray that You would bless me to keep my eyes upon You continually. Help me to seek You and Your will, first and foremost in my life. For You said in Your Word that if I seek first the Kingdom of God and all of Your righteousness, You would bless the desire of my heart to be added unto me, and bless me to prosper in everything I do. I thank You therefore that I am blessed and prosperous in my spiritual life, my job, and my finances. And Father, I pray that Your goodness and mercy follows me all the days of my life, in every area of my life.
Father, You promised in Your Word that if I would walk in Your ways that You bless me to prosper, and You would cause my leave not to wither. Therefore, I confess Your Word that the leaves of my health shall not wither, and the leaves of my finances shall not wither, I also confess that the leaves of my car, home and household appliances, equipment, and furnishings shall not wither. I decree that God’s blessings are upon them to last, and Satan cannot bring destruction on God’s blessing in my life in any area or in any way. I decree this by the authority of the Word or the Living God in the name of Jesus Christ.
I take authority over every hindering spirit of the enemy. I bind them my life and I render them helpless, powerless, inoperative and ineffective to hinder my life in any way, by the authority of the name of Jesus Christ. I pull down every stronghold of the enemy, and I cast down every wicked spirit that Satan would attempt to use against me.
Father, according to Your Word, if an enemy is caught stealing, he must return seven-fold of that which he has stolen. Father, I have caught the enemy. For Your Word has revealed and exposed Satan as the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. So Satan, by the authority of the name of Jesus Christ, I command You to return seven-fold of everything you have stolen from every area of my life.
Father, I thank You that this is a prosperous day, week, month, and year for me, and the doors of success have been opened. I confess that I shall succeed in everything in Christ, because every door of failure has been closed, and I shall not know defeat. And I am fully persuaded, that what You have promised in Your Word, You are well able to perform in my life.
Now Father, I thank You for Your Word, and how Your Word does not return unto You void, but it accomplishes that in which You send it to perform. So as I have prayed Your Word, I thank You that Your blessings are performed and accomplished in my life. In the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, I pray, AMEN!
-By Kenneth Scott, The Weapons of Our Warfare
5:26pm
When I look back over this time, I think about the goodness of what God has done for me. Now when you look at me you are looking at a miracle. When you hug me, you’re hugging a miracle. When I was ready to lose my mind and accept defeat, He said no. He promised me that when the enemy comes against me one way it is forced to flee from me seven ways. And for that, Lord I thank you. I remember sitting at church listening to a sermon by my pastor in which he said, “God is not going to let you die in the wilderness.” That one statement saved my life. It was just the rejuvenation that was needed to let me see where I needed to go. What the enemy meant for evil, God custom designed it for my good. I didn’t want to go, but I told Him I would listen and move. He was moving me out of my comfort zone. He moved me out from everything that was established and rooted. He moved me from what I thought was my identity of my own; where I thought I was finally an individual, back into the environment of shadows. This was an act of necessity. In my heart of hearts I believed that no matter what state I was to be in, I was to be content. In this, I know there will be joy and deliverance. In a matter of weeks, what took two years in Michigan to find suitable employment, I was faced with potentially two very different career paths in North Carolina. One, a firm and steady check week after week in advertising and the other, temporary (with a possibility of promotion) in higher education. This was a bittersweet conundrum that I was happy to finally face! Bittersweet because it wasn’t long ago where everything I touched failed miserably. This was a crossroad that I was facing that was going to affect the rest of my life. The choices that I make today will perhaps determine where I will be years from now. I had to play it safe; taking a career path with only possibilities was too much of a risk. Perhaps, if I believed in myself a little more maybe I would choose different. I had to pray to remove all doubt and disbelief; I will no longer walk in the spirit of fear. Any choice that I made there will be promotion ahead of me, I will have the favor of God and everyone will see His glory. Right now, I’m on autopilot; taking steps that are only ordered by God. In a matter of four short months I’m literally higher than I have ever been. Now I live in a condominium on the 12th floor of a luxury high-rise building. I have an increase of faith like never before. He blessed me so that I could draw nearer to Him, to know Him intimately. He told me that if His word abides within me, I could ask what I will in His name. I am finally depending on Him on choices that I am making. My life is not my own anymore, I know that its not going to be easy. After all, He is my Shepard and I shall not want. He promised that he would supply my every need, exceeding and abundantly and above all that I could ask or think. I see my deliverance and breakthrough, and for that, Lord I thank you!
The Praise!
Father, I come boldly before your throne of grace, thanking and praising you for Your blessings and prosperity upon my life, and upon the lives of my family. According to Your Word, You said that You desire above all things that I may prosper and be in health, even as my soul prospers; therefore, I know that it is Your will for me to prosper.
Father, I thank You first of all, that my soul prospers in You. I thank You that I prosper daily in the knowledge and understanding of Your Word, and that I become rooted, grounded, settled, and establish in Christ Jesus.
I thank You that according to Your Word, You have established us as kings and priest unto the Most High King, Jesus Christ. Father, You said in Your Word, “When a king shall decree a thing, it shall be established.” Therefore, I decree and declare according to Your Word, that I am blessed the city and blessed in the field; I am above only and not beneath; I am the head and not the tail; I am blessed coming in and blessed going out; I am the lender and not the borrower. I thank You that I am blessed upon my job, and blessed in my home. I confess also that my family is blessed, and my children are blessed and prosperous all the days of their lives.
I thank You Father that I am blessed in my mind with a sound mind, and with the peace of God that passes all understanding. I thank You for blessing me in my body with good health. I thank You for making me to lie down in green pastures, which are the abundance of Your blessings; and Your blessings are continually upon me and overtaking me in every area. I thank You that the windows of heaven are open for me, and You are constantly pouring me out the abundance of Your blessings up my life – spiritually, physically, and financially, whereby I do not have room enough to contain them.
I thank You Father that You have made known Your thoughts towards us – thought of good things and blessings for us and not of evil. You instructed us to say continually that You are magnified and You take pleasure in prospering us. So I confess according to Your Word, both now and continually that “YOU ARE MAGNIFIED O LORD AND YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN PROSPERING ME” in every area of my life.
I thank You for opening doors of prosperity and success for me that no man can shut, I thank You for also closing every door of failure and defeat in my life which no man can open. And I pray that You would anoint the works of my hands, whereby I may prosper in everything I do.
Father, I pray that You would bless me to keep my eyes upon You continually. Help me to seek You and Your will, first and foremost in my life. For You said in Your Word that if I seek first the Kingdom of God and all of Your righteousness, You would bless the desire of my heart to be added unto me, and bless me to prosper in everything I do. I thank You therefore that I am blessed and prosperous in my spiritual life, my job, and my finances. And Father, I pray that Your goodness and mercy follows me all the days of my life, in every area of my life.
Father, You promised in Your Word that if I would walk in Your ways that You bless me to prosper, and You would cause my leave not to wither. Therefore, I confess Your Word that the leaves of my health shall not wither, and the leaves of my finances shall not wither, I also confess that the leaves of my car, home and household appliances, equipment, and furnishings shall not wither. I decree that God’s blessings are upon them to last, and Satan cannot bring destruction on God’s blessing in my life in any area or in any way. I decree this by the authority of the Word or the Living God in the name of Jesus Christ.
I take authority over every hindering spirit of the enemy. I bind them my life and I render them helpless, powerless, inoperative and ineffective to hinder my life in any way, by the authority of the name of Jesus Christ. I pull down every stronghold of the enemy, and I cast down every wicked spirit that Satan would attempt to use against me.
Father, according to Your Word, if an enemy is caught stealing, he must return seven-fold of that which he has stolen. Father, I have caught the enemy. For Your Word has revealed and exposed Satan as the thief who comes to steal, kill and destroy. So Satan, by the authority of the name of Jesus Christ, I command You to return seven-fold of everything you have stolen from every area of my life.
Father, I thank You that this is a prosperous day, week, month, and year for me, and the doors of success have been opened. I confess that I shall succeed in everything in Christ, because every door of failure has been closed, and I shall not know defeat. And I am fully persuaded, that what You have promised in Your Word, You are well able to perform in my life.
Now Father, I thank You for Your Word, and how Your Word does not return unto You void, but it accomplishes that in which You send it to perform. So as I have prayed Your Word, I thank You that Your blessings are performed and accomplished in my life. In the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, I pray, AMEN!
-By Kenneth Scott, The Weapons of Our Warfare
Friday, January 12, 2007
Prelude to the Breakthrough
I left my copy of the breakthough at home but recently I received this email that fits perfectly!!! Enjoy.
@The Purpose of the Desert
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. - Hosea 2:14
If you have an important message to convey to someone, what is the best means of getting the message through? Have you ever tried to talk with someone who was so busy you could not get him to hear you? Distractions prevent us from giving our undivided attention to the messenger. So too, God has His way of taking us aside to get our undivided attention. For Paul, it was Arabia for three years; for Moses, it was 40 years in the desert; for Joseph, it was 13 years in Egypt; for David, it was many years of fleeing from King Saul.
God knows the stubborn human heart. He knows that if He is to accomplish His deepest work, He must take us into the desert in order to give us the privilege to be used in His Kingdom. In the desert God changes us and removes things that hinder us. He forces us to draw deep upon His grace. The desert is only a season in our life. When He has accomplished what He wants in our lives in the desert, He will bring us out. He has given us a mission to fulfill that can only be fulfilled after we have spent adequate time in preparation in the desert. Fear not the desert, for it is here you will hear God's voice like never before. It is here you become His bride. It is here you will have the idols of your life removed. It is here you begin to experience the reality of a living God like never before. Someone once said, "God uses enlarged trials to produce enlarged saints so He can put them in enlarged places!"
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me (2 Samuel 22:20).
@The Purpose of the Desert
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. - Hosea 2:14
If you have an important message to convey to someone, what is the best means of getting the message through? Have you ever tried to talk with someone who was so busy you could not get him to hear you? Distractions prevent us from giving our undivided attention to the messenger. So too, God has His way of taking us aside to get our undivided attention. For Paul, it was Arabia for three years; for Moses, it was 40 years in the desert; for Joseph, it was 13 years in Egypt; for David, it was many years of fleeing from King Saul.
God knows the stubborn human heart. He knows that if He is to accomplish His deepest work, He must take us into the desert in order to give us the privilege to be used in His Kingdom. In the desert God changes us and removes things that hinder us. He forces us to draw deep upon His grace. The desert is only a season in our life. When He has accomplished what He wants in our lives in the desert, He will bring us out. He has given us a mission to fulfill that can only be fulfilled after we have spent adequate time in preparation in the desert. Fear not the desert, for it is here you will hear God's voice like never before. It is here you become His bride. It is here you will have the idols of your life removed. It is here you begin to experience the reality of a living God like never before. Someone once said, "God uses enlarged trials to produce enlarged saints so He can put them in enlarged places!"
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me (2 Samuel 22:20).
Thursday, January 04, 2007
The Break
The agony of being alone
The fear of doing things on my own
The tests and trials that come to make me strong
The feelings of guilt, hurt, shame and defeat
The waves of trials that beat upon me
But to know Lord, in You I've got victory.
The Break
May 12, 2006
1:10pm
This is crazy. I can’t get a flippin’ job in the mall??? The place where I spent 5 years of my undergraduate experience, where now I’m too over flippin’ qualified. I can’t get a flippin’ job? I feel pressure in my chest. I can’t breathe. I know I did a fabulous interview. Why did she play me? “Fill this application out and give it back to me soon”, she says. I give it back to her the same day including a stellar resume. Why did she act as if she needed someone right now quick, fast and in a hurry only to stop and say I’m not hired? Does she know how much she just crushed me? This was only supposed to be temporary. After two years of the same thing, I can’t go through another interview anymore. I can’t tell my whole experience to someone that doesn’t care. I can’t hear a fake apology anymore. After two years, I can’t explain what I have been doing for survival. I’m tired of feeling of inadequate after that particular question. I don’t want to hear any form of NO anymore. I’m desperate. I just need some money to pay rent and my car. This time I learned how to budget. I can get by on Oodles of Noodles and PB&J; I don’t need to get any new clothes, I’ll do my own hair; I’ll let it grow. I know that the mall job isn’t going to be enough, but it will be some validation. The mall job is the validation that is needed to know that I can accomplish something. Anything. I know how much I’m trying, but everything that I do I fail. I see the look on my family’s faces when I come around, whether its real or imaginary I know that I’m keeping them from doing something because it seems as if I’m the noose around their neck. I’m no good to anyone, not even to myself. This should be just the end of me. Then, at least I know that everyone else is okay. I give up. I don’t want to go on. All these promises that God has given me are not manifesting itself in my life. I repent! I didn’t do all that you wanted me to do. I didn’t have an attitude of gratitude. Anger, regret, and bitterness harnessed their way into my heart and I’m sorry! I know you didn’t bring me this far to just leave me here on the floor thrashing and crying. All the “you said’s!” are coming back into my memory and are spewing towards the ceiling. Every scripture that I have learned of restoration and faith are pouring out with every tear I cry out to you Lord. I want to die so bad, but I know if God doesn’t do it then it won’t be done. This time I’ll listen! This time where you tell me to go I’ll go, just speak to me one more time. Give me a chance to believe in myself again.
So, just bless me or let me die.
The Crack
I've come through many hard trials
Through temptations on every hand
Though Satan's tried to stop me
And to place my feet on sinking sand
Through the pain and all of my sorrows
Through tears and all ofmy fears
The Lord was there to keep me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all
Feb 9 2005
11:26pm
How do I feel?
I’m typing this because my handwriting has turned to shit. These are going to be some random thoughts that are in my head, only because I don’t feel like writing grammatically correct. Anyway I feel isolated. Set apart from everyone else, people are around me but are not committed to me. When I say committed, committed to me.. to my thoughts, feelings, actions both positive or negative. There isn’t anybody there. Nobody, but everyone is around saying one thing or another. Today I felt as if both my mother and father were dead. But in actuality they are both very much alive. But I lost my daddy to an illness that doesn’t allow him to remember that I ever existed. My mother, I lost to her own twisted, demented, self-loathing. She is so not happy and never one to be satisfied. No matter how hard I try to please her, it is a wasted battle. I don’t have the desire anymore to try. Why? She’s not going to change. She is who she is, so in order for me to keep any level of sanity of my own…I separate myself from that part of her personality. I guess this whole isolation thing is something that I caused to manifest. The dumbest thing is that I think I am something like her. I’m not happy with myself, not with where I am at this time in my left. I have no stability whatsoever. I am currently dependent on the support financially of my parents. It’s just so pitiful, pitiful of me being me. I can change it though; I’m no stranger to struggle. Not to struggle in the sense of down to nothing, but sure to sacrifice. Now I just understand that it will be taken up a notch (er, six). Furthermore, I know that it will be temporary. It won’t always be this way. But for now, I will have to do what I can to survive. Survive without her support because, if I ask… there will be a price. There is no value in kissing her ass for all of eternity just so she will have some validity that she is a wonderful mother when she isn’t. A thought came to me today that every time I tried to come to her with an issue that was on my heart, the only way she knew how to handle it was with a nerve pill, or some type of medication. Where does she get these? When Ben and I had our falling out, and he broke my heart…she handed me a nerve pill…When I got fired from my job…she handed me a nerve pill. That’s just sick. I’m over here having an emotional breakdown and all she can do, is provide medication. Then when she finally does talk…she talks about herself… oh, and the standard “I love you, and God loves you”…okay yeah, but what about listening to me? Today there was no self-esteem left in me. Today I just didn’t care. I just thought and pray to God what are you going to do? You said that you would be a light unto my feet. And that the steps of a righteous man availed much, I am righteous because you made me righteous so I can boldly come to you as ask, What are you going to do? This is a burden and you said that you would carry them. You got some bills to pay, some minds to renew, some hearts to mend, and some impossibles to make possible. Baby girl has just cast her cares upon you so now what? Today, I needed a husband. One that would just sit with me and hold me in his arms and lay my head on his chest so that I could cry. God is the lover of my soul; I know he’s got that covered. But just for a minute I wanted to be held and rocked… told that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want him to fix anything, I didn’t want him to protect my honor, I didn’t want any of that…cause when it comes to matters of family…there really isn’t anything he could have done, but just let me curl up in his arms and let me cry. That’s what I wanted, just for that moment. I might be wrong in wanting that but that’s just a connection I wanted.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Coming Soon! Testimony: The Crack, The Break, The Breakthrough
I've been around surfing peoples blogs since the new year and everybody is coming up with some introspective shit. I decided that I'm going to come up with one too! I got a good title so that is all you get right now. It's going to be a work in progress. This is really my testimony that I must share. I'm kinda scared though, being totally transparent to those that only know the surface of me. It's all good though, because you already know the end result. What you will see is a portion of my journey. Stay tuned.
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